Monday, January 05, 2004
go see my new blog/journal thingie,
here
Posted at 1/5/2004 9:07:01 pm by faithnomore
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
I don't hate you.. pretty close to it, though..
It's because i like you so much... i guess..
It's because i like you so much, and all you do is hurt me.
I hate you because i love you..
or something like that.
That's IT
I'm not falling in love anymore, because all that happens is, I get hurt.
I'm waiting for vin.. i'll do 2 years without someone loving me, if it means Vin can love me for a really really really long time afterwards..
I love ya vin.. you're my sunshine and my rain. I'm never letting go...
Music: Love Song- Jack off Jill
Posted at 12/17/2003 10:20:05 pm by faithnomore
Saturday, December 13, 2003
YAY..
I'm BACK!
My dad disconnected my internet.. so i wasn't allowed to go on for a week..
But i survived it, and here i am again :D
hehe...
they said i was getting too cranky and anti-social or something :|
but oh, well.. :D
My internet is back, so i'm HAPPY!! :D
music: I don't wanna be me- Type O Negative
Posted at 12/13/2003 5:42:57 pm by faithnomore
Friday, December 05, 2003
Yeah.. i sound like a stupid spoiled brat..
Yeah.. i sound pathetic..
Yeah.. i'm a bitch..
Yeah.. i exagerate a lot..
Yeah.. my life isn't bad..
Yeah.. I'll shut up.
NO! i WON'T shut up..
I'm only doing what the hell i feel like doing! damnit!
Ian should come back to school.. or at least come online :S :(
I haven't talked to him for like.. 2/3 weeks..
damn...
i think he's dead..
i haven't seen him, he doesn't come to school, i haven't seen his sister at all.. (and they come to the same bus stop as me), he doesn't answer my emails, he doesn't come online, he isn't at home when i do go there..
i don't know... i don't like it :S
I'm hungry..
I hope my mom makes supper soon..
I'm bored..
I'm in love..
He doesn't love me back..
At least i don't think he does..
Well.. i think he has a girlfriend anyway :S
damn.. i hate it..
maybe if i weren't ugly?
Maybe if i were prettier?
Maybe if... i don't know.
i hate it..
i hate it..
I think i might just give up..
Just NOT like him anymore..
I think i've allready tried that, though..
I've tried so hard..
But it doesn't help..
Everytime.. everytime i see him.. i get all... well.. in love.. :(
And i hate it.. i really do..
i get upset and down over every little thing..
I'm so insecure.. About everything.. everything.....
I don't know what to do...
I want someone to love me and hug me and kiss me and, well.. always be there for me..
I get so jealous..
Even if i just see some people hugging.. or kissing or even holding hands..
I can't help it..
I don't want to be..
Everytime i like someone, they allready have a girlfriend :S
I hate it :(
Ugh.. I'm all sad now.. Actually, i allready was..
I just made it worse.. i think..
whatever..
Ok.. i want to shut up now.
I don't actually care if you stopped reading a long time ago or not..
It's my blog, for my use, not yours.
If you don't mind, then i love you,
If you do, and if you hate me, and aren't reading this, well, good for you... I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! Do whatever the hell you want.. I'm not going to bother with people like you anymore..
And all the rest.. again, i love you..
Music: Holocaust- Placebo
Posted at 12/5/2003 6:03:19 pm by faithnomore
Thursday, December 04, 2003
I cry these tears for you.
Why don't you see?
You mean everything to me..
Even if we were just going to be friends.
I don't care,
as long as you are in my life..
And stay there.
I don't think you see,
I don't think you even notice me.
I'm ugly and hopeless.
No wonder you don't seem to care.
I talk to you,
but you don't talk back.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I don't know what to do.
Why won't you look at me?
WHy don't you care?
I cry these tears for YOU!
Sometimes i just want to give up.
Not care anymore.
But it's so hard.
I can't just forget you.
Sometimes it seems like you care.
Most of the times, you don't.
I just don't know what to think.
What to think about you..
What to think about myself.
What if i told you?
What would you say?
Would you resent me, or love me?
I don't want to find out.
I couldn't handle the pain.
The pain of you saying "no".
So I'll leave it.
Just the way it is..
Because why care about me?
When you could like her instead.
She's so much prettier.
Who would want me?
I hope someday you'll realise,
You meant so much to me.
And you'll see,
That all these tears,
These tears, they were all for you.
Posted at 12/4/2003 8:20:42 pm by faithnomore
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
I've really screwed myself over.. and there's no one to help me.. no one to give me a hug..
I really don't care who.. all i need is a hug :(
fuck.. i don't feel like doing anything... so i'm not capatilizing anything..
i don't feel like spelling stuff i don't know right either.. so fuck off..
i need someone.. at school or something.. i dunno.. someone who cares.. who'll just come up to me.. pretend i'm interesting.. there is a certain person who, i think, should care.. but i don't think he does... :(
well.. who would be, right? stupid, fucked up, ugly person like me.. guess he has a reason to not talk to me spontaneously.. :S
i mean.. why even talk to me if i start the conversation.. right?
god... i hate this.
i don't want to be down.. i don't want to whine..
i just feel so unloved or whatever... and with that i mean OFFLINE!!
i get enough love online.. :S it sucks..
because it's not real..
well, yeah.. ok.. it's real.. it's just weird.. because you can't be with them, you can't see them, you can't touch them... they can't really help you sometimes..
sometimes you need someone real.. someone you can really talk to.. someone to... i dunno.. love me?
other than family :S:S
hmm...
well.. doesn't this suck nice little ass :S goddamn..
LOVE ME! :@
haha.. oh my god... i'm so pathetic :S
i'll shut up now :S
Music: Down with the Sickness- Disturbed
Posted at 12/2/2003 11:34:37 pm by faithnomore
Saturday, November 29, 2003
YAY! i FINALLY got my lip pierced! I LOVE IT!
I'm happy now :P
YAY
hehe.. anyway...
It didn't even hurt.. that much :P lol
Nah.. it hurt more than my eyebrow though.. but really, it wasn't bad.. for getting a big ass needle stuck through your lip :| hehe
The girl (the guy too) is/are really nice..
The girl did my eyebrow too..
Anyway...
So, i'm happy :P
Music: Perfect Drug- NIN
Posted at 11/29/2003 6:18:02 pm by faithnomore
Friday, November 28, 2003
Have you ever felt that no matter what you do.. no matter what you say, you can't make someone you love so very much feel better.. and then someone else, who's not even trying.. they make him feel way better about himself? and i'm still stuck with the fucking feeling of helplesness..
Posted at 11/28/2003 1:48:59 pm by faithnomore
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
Hmm..
I'm extremely bored..
Hmm..
I'm about to pierce my ear..
Hmm..
My icecubes aren't frozen yet..
Hmm..
That means I have to wait a bit..
Hmm..
I don't want to wait a bit..
Hmm..
I can see Vin on the webcam..
Hmm..
I love seeing Vin on the webcam..
Hmm..
Vin, 'k hou ontzettend veel van jou *kus*..
Hmm..
I'll stop now..
Hmm..
Music: The God that Failed- Metallica
Posted at 11/25/2003 10:04:32 pm by faithnomore
Saturday, November 22, 2003
I'm in love with a song...
looky:
Autumns Monologue
-From Autumn to Ashes
Oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs
of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins
I break in two over you
I break in two
And each piece of me dies
And only you can give the breath of life
But you dont see me, you dont...
here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where im tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then youre gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you
i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you dont..
i break in two over you
i break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you don't...
i break in two over you
i break in two over you, over you
i break in two
i would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't
I fucking love this song.. I don't know why.. but i do.. I put it on repeat :P hehe.. so it plays over and over and over again :D hehe.. it's great..
anyway..
Music: Autumns Monologue- From Autumn to Ashes
Posted at 11/22/2003 12:30:02 pm by faithnomore
